Teachable Moments

In celebration of National Adoption Month

It started with a simple conversation about Halloween with two second grade girls. Did they have fun trick-or-treating. Did they get a lot of candy. That sort of thing. Then we talked about Lily and how much fun she had. What her costume looked like.

"Would you like to see a picture?" I asked. One of the little girls is a returning student from last year and has met Lily. The other has not.

"She's cute!" the newer little girl said. But I could see it in her eyes. "She doesn't look like you."

"No, she doesn't." I planned to elaborate, but I could see her trying to work it out, while trying to stay polite.

"Does she look like your husband?"

"No, she doesn't look like him, either. Lily is adopted!"

"Oh! OK!" she responded, handling it with more grace than some adult strangers I've met. "She looks JUST LIKE Princess Tiana!"

"Do you know anyone who is adopted?" I asked. They both had met people, but didn't have anyone close in their lives.

The other girls arrived, the class began, and I moved on.

But it made me wonder about the other girls, and whether they had an understanding of adoption. It usually comes up with each new group of kids I teach. I decided to test the waters with the Halloween conversation again.

"I was showing a couple of the girls a picture of Lily in her Halloween costume earlier," I said to the ten bright eyes looking up at me. "Would everyone else like to see?"

I had planned to let them react on their own, but the first girl was far too excited, and feeling extremely special. "She doesn't look like Mindy or Mindy's husband because she was adopted!"

I showed her pictures to each of the five girls, including the two who had already seen it. And then the questions began. Some of them I anticipated. How old was Lily now? How old was she when we got her? Did we pick her name?

Those questions were easy to answer.

But then I got some others.

Did someone leave her on our doorstep?

Why couldn't her first Mommy keep her?

Could that Mommy ever take her back?

What if we wanted to give her back?

Some of this was straight-forward enough, since Lily absolutely was not left on anyone's doorstep. The adoption process is complicated even for an adult to understand, let alone an 8-year-old. But I did explain that the lady who carried Lily in her belly decided at the hospital that she wasn't ready  to be a Mommy, and that the hospital contacted some people who knew we were looking for a baby.

But those other questions were tough. She just wasn't ready to be a Mommy. I wasn't about to tell these little girls the specific circumstances surrounding Lily's conception and birth and her birthmother's life. So she just wasn't ready. And I left it at that, and refused to say more.

And those last two questions. We talked about it until I was as sure as I could be that they understood.

Her birthmommy cannot come and take Lily away, and we would never ever give Lily away, any more than their parents would give THEM away. She is our baby forever. And we are her Mommy and Daddy forever. I even told them about going to court, and how a judge changed her birth certificate. We are her Mommy and Daddy. We are the only people she knows as Mommy and Daddy. And that will never change.

November is National Adoption Month. For the third year in a row, I'm opening myself up. (although, let's face it. I'm always pretty open.) I have a feeling grown-ups have the same questions these little girls do, they just think they're not supposed to ask. So I'm officially telling you- please ask. I would love to answer.

Goin' Pro

I've known for a long time that Lily would probably go into the entertainment business. I thought she would be a dancer. I suspected she would start young.

I did not think that the first time she was paid to perform, she would be two.

But it has happened.

Lily likes to dance. No, Lily loves to dance. She dances with the TV, she dances in the car from her carseat. She dances walking down the street. She dances in the elevator. Her favorite movies are "Peter Pan" and "Singing' in the Rain," and she often insists that everyone in the room join in her dance of joy. She has been known to dance with street musicians.

So when we saw two young men playing their guitars and singing at Mystic Seaport today, we anticipated the show that would follow. What we didn't anticipate was the crowd the gathered. Lily clapped and shook and spun with her hands in the air. When the faster song stopped, she stopped and applauded. And when a new, slower song started, she adjusted her moves accordingly.

The young men had an open guitar case on the ground to collect their tips, and several people dropped in change, and even a dollar here and there. But Lily was the one getting the attention. We watched with pride as Lily danced and laughed, and we watched in shock and amusement when a man approached with a dollar.

"This is for you," he said with a smile. "You're at least as good as the band."

And what did Lily do with her very first paycheck?

She tipped the musicians. She dropped the dollar in their case, grabbed her Grandpa's hand, and walked away.

Today was the day Lily lost her amateur status. And you have to admit, the girl's got class.

The Good Enough Mom

Many parents out there will be familiar with the concept of the Good Enough Mom. (or Parent.) There's a lot of research to support the idea that kids who have little struggles of some kind now and then- whether it's being taken to day care, or not getting perfect nutrition every day, or playing alone while a parent is busy in another room- build character and strength, while children with "perfect" childhoods fall apart at the first sign of conflict in their lives.

I have to remind myself of this concept on days when Lily is building a lot of character and strength.

Lily and I had Pop-Tarts for breakfast this morning. She had never eaten a Pop-Tart, but she loved every minute of it. She loved the way it smelled, and the way it tasted. She even loved the way it looked- the sprinkles on top reminded her of a princess. We ate at the table, and she thanked me for her breakfast. When she was done, she said "All done, please," and then got down from her chair.

And I still feel guilty.

There is nothing of any nutritional value in a Pop-Tart. And I know this. She ran around from the sugar and then crashed in a grouchy nap-needing heap. I would rather give her oatmeal and peanut butter and fruit, like we sometimes have. But frankly, I didn't feel like making the oatmeal (even instant oatmeal) and cleaning the bowls and slicing the fruit. I woke up many hours late today and already had to postpone a play-date until tomorrow. It was just a Pop-Tart kind of morning.

And besides. Pop-Tarts were on sale.

Two boxes of Pop-Tarts and a box of Eggo waffles for $5. That's a lot of breakfasts for $5. And I couldn't ignore that.

I also couldn't ignore the sale on canned vegetables. They are approximately one-third the cost of fresh.

If I had my way, I would have the money to shop only at Whole Foods and make everything organic and fresh.

I would get enough sleep every night, and would never sleep through my alarm. And my apartment would be in the condition to have guests at any point, so even if I overslept a little it wouldn't matter. (and I would shower every day, so my hair would be in a similar condition.)

But that's just not my reality. In fact, I seriously doubt it's anyone's reality.

(OK, maybe there are a lot of people who only eat organic and have a clean apartment and take a shower every day. But I bet those people have things they would like to improve, too.)

My reality includes staying up late, and waking up late, and getting behind in the housework, and buying the food that's on sale sometimes. And Pop-Tarts for breakfast.

But it also includes meal-planning. And budgets. And the ability to feed my family, at the table, for a whole week for $60.

And it includes a little girl who sees sprinkles on a Pop-Tart and thinks of a princess. And communication skills between us that are strong enough that I know what the hell she's talking about. And a little girl who says "thank you, food, Amen." And "please," and "thank you" and "no, thank you."

And Family Dance Parties. Nightly.

And Family Sing-Alongs. All day, every day.

And a Mommy and Daddy who make being well-rounded people a priority over a quest for perfection.

And that's good enough.

"Just a Housewife..."

It seems to be coming up a lot lately. Maybe because I'm spending more time with other Stay-At-Home Moms. Maybe because I don't teach classes during the summer. But whatever the reason, my stay-at-home-ed-ness is something I wonder about. Whether I am "effective" as a housewife. Whether I "should" be at home.

Apparently, I've thought about it a lot. As I review my blogs, it seems to be a common topic. I can't even review them all here, that would be obnoxious.

So it'll be the topic for a couple days ;)

Long-time readers may remember The Carol Brady Experiment from last summer. It was an interesting experience for me, and one I still think about a lot. Here it is.

An Introduction

Laura Petrie, Parts 1 and 2

Shirley Partridge, Parts 1 and 2

Roseanne Conner, Parts 1 and 2

June Cleaver, Parts 1 and 2

Elyse Keaton, Parts 1 and 2

In Conclusion...

Look Who's Talking

Several months ago, I posted a blog listing Lily's entire vocabulary. I couldn't do that now. She knows way too many words. She just, like, talks and stuff. And she says things on a daily basis that crack me up. I usually post them on facebook. Here they are, gathered in one place. (with a bonus BRAND NEW conversation never before shared. Except the other night at the Tavern.)

Slow Mommy, Exasperated Lily

Lily: Cah ha dat?

Me: What, Lily?

Lily: *sighs* Cah. Haaaaaaaaaah dat.

Me: I'm sorry, sweetheart. What are you saying?

Lily: Dat! *points to the toy in my hand* Cah HAH dat?

Me: Oh. Yes. You may have this.

Why do I feel like the underlying message in everything she says is "You dumbass....?"

A Two-Year-Old Watches a Rock Concert (courtesy of the last scene of "School of Rock")

*smoke machine begins

Lily: It's hot.....?????

*singing and dancing continues

Lily: What are they doing???

*shots of kids with fake tattoos

Lily: Yucky!!!

*Jack Black dives off stage

Lily: Oh! Bonk.

Rock is confusing.

We Were All Thinking It

Metro-North Conductor: [Charlie Brown Teacher, incomprehensible garble.]

Lily: WHAT did you SAY???????

Passengers: [much laughter]

Thank you, folks. She'll be here all week.

Lily Orders Lunch

Lily and I are enjoying a lunch of "Hot cheese." I've always called it grilled cheese, but I kind of prefer her phrase.

The Day Mommy Ruined a Perfectly Good Graham Cracker

Lily: Snack?

Me: You may have something to eat, but not a fruit snack.

Lily: Cah hah dat?

Me: *Knowing what this means now, but not knowing what she wants* Can you have WHAT?

Lily: *sighs, takes my hand, leads me to the kitchen, points to the graham crackers* Dat! Dat! Cah-ckie?

Me: A graham cracker? *thinks. It's time for lunch, not sweets* OK. I'll tell you what. You may have a graham cracker.

Lily: Thank you!

Me: But. You're having it with peanut butter. *Lily watches with confusion as I get the peanut butter from the cupboard. Confusion turns to horror as I put the PB on the cracker.*

Lily: No! Stop it! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! NOOOOOO!!!!!!! STOP IIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!! NO THANK YOU!!!!!!!

At least she's polite about it....

My Sister and I

My sister and I are both Stay-At-Home-Moms (and freelancers). My sister and I are both Stay-At-Home-Moms (and freelancers) who get bored. And we're Stay-At-Home-Moms (and freelancers) who get bored and have, obviously, identical upbringings. We're Stay-At-Home-Moms (and freelancers) who get bored, have identical upbringings, a sometimes under-used artistic streak (because of the toddlers. I get to use mine professionally, and so does she. You know. With the freelancing) and a very silly sense of humor.

And we live very, very far away. (Greenwich, CT and Denver, CO)

So. We collaborate. From very, very far away.

Presenting our very latest creation.

Here's one we did a while ago. We think we're funny.

If you don't think we're funny, well, that's OK. But you could come up with other ways to entertain us. It's important.

On Baking A Pie

I haven't had much time to post lately. I'm working on a fairly intense blog project, and there will be plenty to read in August, I promise. In the meantime...

You know when you sit down to watch a brand new episode of your very favorite sitcom, and it turns out to be one of those shows where they walk down memory lane and just show clips from old shows...?

Well, here comes a series of blogs like that.

I will, at least, relate them to things that are happening in my life.

This past weekend, for example, I made a pie. This is a big deal. You can read about why here.

And here. Maybe someday I'll post the magic recipe. But for now, I'm just going to bask in my glory and eat the very last piece of pie.