I think every married couple has one. That one issue that eludes you. No matter how long you're together or how much you discuss it, or how hard you try, you just can't make it work. For us, that issue was Easter.
Ryan and I have been together for nearly fourteen years. We have made so many happy memories. Very few of them involve Easter. Here are a few highlights.
-1999: I went to my family's Easter celebration in Lima, Ohio. Why wasn't Ryan with me? I have no idea. I complained bitterly the whole time that we were never- ever- getting engaged. My sister wanted to smack me because of course Ryan had a ring and she knew it. We were engaged four days later.
-2003: I had an enormous mental and emotional breakdown on my birthday, which was the Thursday before Easter. I spent that Sunday on the sofa sobbing. Absolutely not Ryan's fault, he handled it the best he could, and it lead to my finally getting treatment for depression. But at the time? Really not fun.
-2006: We knew it would be time to try conceiving soon, but we were not entirely agreeing on the timing. I insisted we color eggs. Ryan bought the eggs, and then left them out in the counter overnight. We threw them away. I was furious. He told me I was being silly- Easter eggs were for children anyway. (I'm sure he would take this statement back now if given the opportunity...) My therapist suggested Ryan was "neglecting my eggs." I don't know about all that. But I was pissed.
-2007: We were in Myrtle Beach celebrating Ryan's Dad's 60th birthday. We tried to go to the church of friends of ours who happened to live nearby. We got lost. I also found out on this day that a family member was pregnant.
-2008: I have no memory of Easter 2008. Self-protection? Selective amnesia?
And then, there was Easter of 2009. About a week before, Ryan looked at me and said, very calmly, "I seem to remember that Easter is important to you." Last year we colored eggs with our friend Kimberly and did an Easter basket exchange and wore pastel colors to church. It was finally the Easter I wanted. An Easter that reminded me of my childhood.
And I know Ryan did it for me. Last year his birthday even fell on Easter. But he knew it was important to me. We needed that Easter. We needed to "get it" before Lily came. Because babies do not fix marital issues, and I am convinced they can sense when they're expected to.
So this year, we were able to have our happy family Easter with Lily added to the equation. And how did it go? I'll tell you tomorrow.