Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Beware the Ides of March

I had a rough day yesterday. I rely on little baby cries to wake me, and those cries didn't come until 11:00. For the rest of the day I felt Iike I was in a fog. I couldn't get a grasp on what time it was, Lily was off of her schedule, I wasn't hungry so I kept forgetting to eat. I was, in a word, confused. (I know I'm opening myself up to a lot of potential teasing here from friends and family admitting I was confused- mostly lookin at you, Tom.) 

Lily was still up at 10:00, and when Ryan expressed his frustration over it, I reminded him. "Well, it's Daylight Savings Time." (It's amazing how obvious things are when they come from the Mommy perspective rather than the trying-to-take-care-of-myself perspective. Thanks, universe, for Mommy wisdom.)

Daylight Savings Time. I hate this time of year. And not just the first few drowsy days, either. While everyone else is enjoying the extra sunlight, I'm fighting a depression for weeks. And it's not just me. This is an issue for most people who have chemically-based depression. A few years ago I had this conversation with my therapist:

Me: I don't know why I'm feeling this way. Things are going well.

Doctor: Seriously? You really don't know why you're feeling this way?

Me: *blank stare*

Doctor: Mindy. We have this converation every year. 

Me: *blink. blink*

Doctor: Daylight Savings Time.

Me: Oh. I forgot.

It turns out that Daylight Savings Time can mess witha person's seratonin levels so badly that it can take weeks to recover. Awesome. Another thing for people with depression to battle. And even more difficult, it's something that's putting everyone else in a great mood.

So, for the next few weeks I will try to remain positive and hopeful. I will do my best to eat well and get enough rest. I will force myself to leave the house and enjoy the sunshine that is contributing to my insanity. And I will remind myself that I am not being difficult or crazy. This is all just part of living with a chronic disease. But with knowledge and experience- and a lot of work- I can do my best to fight it.

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